Like any other Sunday night here in Hong Kong, I found my
steps became lazy with the thought of going “home”. I felt like stretching the day, extending the
God orchestrated 24 hours.
It was drizzling and surely the park by the bay will be too
cold and windy for comfort. Still I
decided to alight at the final stop of bus 3B and walked ever so slowly to the
hotel. I prolonged every step; every
minute. There weren’t much people for
the night because of the bitter weather. It created a sad ambiance and gloom as
I look over the mist covered island adjacent to Hung Hom.
Grass, pavement and benches were damp but the small shed
housing eight benches looked warm and welcoming. It was almost empty except for the young
couple seated at the end of the benches’ row.
I slowly went in and chose a spot.
On the other side came a lovely Caucasian lady clutching her mobile,
like me she was scouting for the perfect bench to settle in.
And so, three benches were occupied: first was the couple,
the second for the Caucasian lady and the third was mine. Four different people, three spots separated
with a good distance for comfort and privacy, two were together warmly wrapped
in an embrace, the other two sitting alone holding their mobile phone, in one
late Spring Sunday night.
I observed carefully what would happen to us, since we were
the only people who decided to linger in the park.
The first bench with the couple was looking warm and cosy in
the rosy world of their own. They were
the typical picture of young love, sweet love; and had eyes only for each
other. Perhaps just like what romance
novel suggests; time and space stood still when they were together and the only
sound they could hear were that of their hearts beating. Something I would never be certain of, since
I was on the other end of the row. I was
far off from their position literally and figuratively.
The second bench was where the Caucasian lady ended up. She immediately took a seat, brought out her
phone and dialled a number. As soon as
the other line picked up, her face lit up, gone were the sadness, the
uncertainties and worries. Her cheeks
looked like as if she was blushing in spite of the bitter wind blowing. They talked and talked and talked for more
than an hour. I knew because we all stayed
there together and I was the first to leave.
Whoever was on the other side, he or she was someone important and
special, enough reason for her change of heart.
Yes, she was alone but there was an invisible link that made up the
other side of the relationship and through modern telecommunications nothing
went amiss.
The third bench was where I was seated, keenly observing
what was happening in that same place and time.
It was weird and enlightening so to speak. I took out my earphones and stuffed the buds
to hear some soothing music that would calm the end of my week. I sat with a blank face and an empty stare
into the shining ripples reflected by the city light in the dark sea. I was alone and I felt alone; physically and
emotionally. The seat beside me was
empty and my mobile solely function as a music player. I had nobody to talk with, and even the
gadget that could make a call and break the distance to help you reach out for
somebody significant failed.
I closed my eyes and began talking to Him. “Lord, seriously what’s happening to me
lately? Why do I feel this way? Why do I start envying people with those
kinds of relationship? Why do I long for
someone to share my crazy-in –a-good-kind-of-way random thoughts and
ideas? Why do I feel like you are
preparing me for a lifelong singlehood?
And yet why is that my feelings about it gradually changing? Why do I worry now? Why do I fear being forever alone?”
At that I laughed out loud in my thoughts and shook my head
in a mixture of disbelief, frustration and humour. “I sound ridiculous right, Lord?” I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and
let my queries rest. In that still
moment, my heart, my head, my soul heard Him said: “I am for you.” It was so
simple but the greatness of its simplicity flooded my whole being with much joy
and peace.
I looked at my left to see the other two benches. Then it dawned to me that, each of us was in
a relationship of our own, at that moment all of us were engaged in cultivating
that relationship we have. There weren’t much difference I thought, but significantly
relationships may either be temporary or eternal. I knew so little of the other benches’
relationships to judge, it was my hope though that they would find the one
which is eternally satisfying and lasting.
Should I deny the fact that I envy them would be a lie. There was this arising awareness in my heart
that I needed to be with someone. . It was a desire placed by our Maker, originally
designed for us to seek Him.
I was reminded of His promise that I won’t be alone. For always He made ways to warm my heart, comfort
my spirit, satisfy my longings and prove that He is the lover of my soul.
In Him and for Him, I sat on the third bench and wait. He was and remains to be a promise keeping
God, He will come.
