Quantum Entanglement

"This idea came via the Scientific American podcast where a journalist was discussing quantum entanglement and how entangled particles have an instantaneous effect on one another, even across great distances. Apparently, this breaks Einsteinian relativity, because entangled particles exchange information faster than the speed of light.

The way the journalist on the podcast described the linked particles reminded me of the Chinese red string of fate concept. The string links people together that are destined to meet."

This was a random illustration I saw at Tumblr. And it was probably the science teacher+hopefull romantic in me that just kicked off. At that time I felt like we were "quantumnly entanged". Why? I do not want to remember anymore, so I will not go over the list I am now starting to mentally tick one by one and save my heart and head for unnecessary words. It was strange and today years gone I go back to this idea again. Why? Because it happened again, that bit of strange connection that we have. 

Why in the world that the scriptures shared last Sunday, the music, the photos and a message had to appear and flood my thoughts for several consecutive days? And why later today I found out a note I wrote three years ago, and it goes: "No I am not asking for you to be thankful. I am not even hoping you would talk to me. What I want is to make sure you have it and at that my heart would be at rest. But then such simple courtesy, sadly, cannot be given to me. I understand, for the last time I guess, I would understand."

Quantum Entanglement playing its joke on me? I hope not. I don't want any of it.

Why am I writing this then? It is to remember that I have decided to let go and I have moved on and that this strange connection we have should not stir any emotion aside from being thankful for the news that you are doing well. 

I'm still and will remain to be in awe of this crazy awesome idea. Imagine, two linked particles can share a singe fate even when they are miles apart, influencing each other even in great physical distance, two parts behaving of a singe system when separated in space. Cool right?!

But I don't think anymore of us being like those particles, I've grown quite a bit from being a hopeful romantic to a grounded on reality hopeful romantic.  And yes, quantum physics explains that this phenomena is based entirely on probabiity, in other words nothing is certain untli it happens and we already proved, more than enough, that there was nothing, at all. 

Into that Place

After the storm-like rain down pour yesterday afternoon, tides of sadness washed over me last night.  No it was not the kind that sent ripples when my hormones come to imbalance.  It came so strong that for a moment I considered packing my things and leave. I wanted to take the journey I have long dreamed of.  I wanted to leave all the things that were familiar.

Familiar?  It was such a strange word last night.  No.  Things that were familiar before are no more.  That was why I wanted to leave, to walk away from everything that was familiar because this familiarity seems to be rather disturbing.  I wanted to go to that one place where everything is unknown, where every face nameless and to where I could silently exist.

Maybe I’ll go to the mountains where I could look down over Your creation or above to the clear skies with birds hovering me.  Where I could be one with the wind and hear them whisper their hymns for You.  Then I would lie in the fresh green ground and let the wild flowers dance beside me.  I wanted to go there where it could just be You and me.

Solitude is two faced.  You can be in a place where everything that surrounds you is a part of you and yet you feel alone.  Solitude can be a place where you are on your own but you feel in unison with everything.  I stand still at the moment in the middle of these two solitude.

Standing at that crossroad never bothered me this much before, not until last night.  Not until I realized what it does to my existence or was it my inexistence? 

But was my existence really for my gain?  I could embark on my journey.  Forget it all.  Forget them all.  Think of my going away an act of courage but who do I kid?

Life is a battlefield.  Love is a battlefield.  And I’ve said it once before that in this battle I am raising my Master’s banner.  Why would I leave the battlefield? Should I leave the battle? Will I make Him proud then?

A little rest with Him was all I wanted.  Perhaps a little break from this battle?  When and where You could tell me of Your truths and remind me of Your grace and love.  Then that might refresh me of the boldness and courage to say yes for another day.

Another day to have:  

The boldness to stand in Your truth. 

The courage to face every difficulty. 

The faith to trust in Your best plan ahead. 

The strength to share Your word. 

 The humility to shine for You. 

Your joy amidst sadness. 

Your peace to calm my anxieties. 

Your love to love the people difficult to love;

 And Your grace to carry on loving them.

I lay in my bed last night thinking of these thoughts.  My right hand reached on the left side of the pillow for my Bible.  I went to that place where in my solitude I am united to His creation.  I went to hear of His words.  I said sorry and He said it was alright.

Our conversation went on and the tide of sadness raging was calmed like the afternoon storm.

A Moment with You: An Epic Fail

Disclaimer:

 I never really wanted to sound serious or end my thoughts with a sad note, but sometimes being sad is good. It could mean that somehow happiness might soon come your way.  I’m inspired by all the amazing works of Wong Fu Production although I often find myself turning green out of envy. (Because) I wish I could do things (like them) and inspire people (like the way they do). The tesseract stuff at the ending was all due to The Newberry Award Winning Classic by Madeleine L’Engle.  Funny because I realized how strange Wong Fu’s contemporary and L’Engle’s classic’s effect on my thoughts and writing.  It’s the tension of opposites but I’m happy and thankful that I get this all out of my head through words.

A Moment with You: An Epic Fail

I was browsing the internet for several days now hoping to find a free download of Wong Fu Productions’ full length film, A Moment with You.  Disheartened for the nth time I drew a deep breath and admitted defeat.  There’s no easy way to see the film.  I had to have it the hard way (for it is the only way). 

The hard way means I have to invest and purchase it through their online store.  I was willing to invest on it (and even on all the awkward animals and nice girl shirts) hard as it may seems for it means saving my lunch money for a month or longer (which can also be translated to bankruptcy).  But the thing was I had to have a credit card for that’s the only way I could make a purchase. 

Now read this… I have NO credit card, meaning my search for A Moment with You was an epic fail.  Well sometimes living in a small town on a third world country could really be annoying.  Not that I mind the absence of a credit card. Err, I guess now I DO because it gave me a limited access to something I am interested of and honestly, crazy about.

Crazy about?  There’s another thing I was crazy about but it’s not a DVD.  It’s a person and as of the moment I cannot recall his name.  Lately I’ve been having this selective amnesia when it comes to anything that is associated to him. Let’s just name him You then.

People might ask what caused my selective amnesia, it was due to another epic fail in my search for a moment with You.  But this fail was even greater because I never really had to use a credit card to be near him.  He was within my reach and yet he was like the farthest star in the sky. Yes, You was near and yet so far away. This simple fact like the famous line from a song tugs at my heartstrings.

You was like a mass of air that surrounds my existence… essential but something I cannot contain in the vacuum of my heart.

Like the many times I’ve searched for the copy of the film, greater was the number of my search for a moment with You.  I have done almost everything in my ability and muster my little courage but never of the attempts worked like I hoped for.

There was this cold, invisible wall that seems to block my every effort of getting near You.  I did try to break the wall but it was impossible.  It was always present, always against my advantage.

But far greater than the wall was You’s passive nature.  The cold smiles…  The unfriendly conversation...  The nonchalance…  They made all the moment with You impossible. That was when the selective amnesia started.

I tried to have a moment with You because of the now unclear fragments of what it was in the past (another problem that the selective amnesia caused: missing links and reasons). When You was my friend.  When You could share a cup of coffee with me over a silly joke or random conversations. When You would look across the room and still could figure out what was running inside my crazy head.  Those were moments I long to go back to.  But now they’ve become all blurry like it never happened. One thing that remained though was that, a moment with You was a moment I shared with a friend.

That’s the only thing I want to recover.  And that was the only thing You cannot give, which was a shame to his famous generosity.

I wanted to stop thinking of the reasons anymore. I wanted to quit asking why we now stand in this dimension. So before I completely forget about You.  I wanted to remember all of those moments again with You, just for this last time before this selective amnesia completely rob me.

In the end… a moment with You was not a moment after all, but a wrinkle in time.  When You and I got caught in a tesseract, caught in the downdraft and blown off course; never again to happen. Never should have happened.

I Yearn

SPONGEBABE: bigger more absorbent...

Ako si spongebabe.

Girl version ako ni Spongebob. 

Classic na yellow personality.  Classic din na taga-absorb o tagasalo personality...

Bakit nga ba ako ganito...

hmmm siguro kasi

hinde ako marunong mag say ng "no" kaya natratrap ako sa mga "yes" ko.  

kapag naman dapat akong mag "yes" saka naman ako nagsasay ng "no"

kasi yung heart na binigay ni Lord saken medyo madaming holes parang sa spongin so mabilis ko talaga maabsorb lahat...pati problem ng may problema may tendency akong maabsorb lahat yun

at dahil mabilis ako makaabsorb grabe naman pag napiga ako... meaning napaka bilis ng shift ng emotions ko... iiyak... tatawa... maingay... tatahimik... para talagang si spongebob.. kasi nga napakadami ng nasa isip ko ang bilis ng shift ng focus ko

best friend ni spongebob si patrick... napakadaming patrick ang laman ng buhay ko... at lahat sila di ko alam kung bakit sobrang mahal ko din... katulad ng pagmamahal ni spongebob kay patrick... walang boundaries... sige basta si patrick ok lang di ko na tuloy napansin kung may natira pa for me

di lang yun pati si garry... kahit na napakainsensitive na creature tulad ng snail... akalain nyo kaya ko ring pahalagahan at mahalin... naku dito expert na ata ako... nabubuhay ako sa pagmamahal na hinde nasusuklian hahaha

naisip ko lang walang love life si spongebob... ako din. minsan nga naisip ko baka wala sa bikini bottom ang para sa kanya... e kung wala dun nasaan?... ako, nasa bikini bottom ko ba? kung wala, nasaan?

di naman masamang maging absorbent katulad ni spongebob... may advantages din...

una... lovable... si karl sabi nya sa sobrang lovable ko daw kung magkaedad kami mamahalin nya daw ako ng bonggang bongga hahahah

pangalawa... dependable at devoted... akalain mu na sa katulad na may-ari ng negosyo na si mr. krab e super  dedicated at maasahan itong  si bob ang espongha, walang tanong sumusunod sa utos ng master nya... ganyan din ako minsan... kaya yun hilong talilong

pangatlo... passionate... sige nga.. pag may ginawa syang bagay... he works with passion... maggawa ng krabby patties may passion.... manghuli ng jelly fish may passion... magturo kay garry may passion... i'd like to think that i am as passionate as bob kasi naisip ko living without passion is like death itself... buhay ang systems mo but the spirit and the soul are empty...

hay... spongebabe nga ako... sana pwedo ko na lang pakasalan si spongebob so we could live happily ever after in our pineapple home

Lord, sign ba yun na sa may malaking pinya nakatira ang spongebob ko?!

Hahaha side line lang yun... joke ika nga...

Ang ibig kong sabihin... di ako sponge o cartoon character... ako ako ay tao... kahit si superman, super as he might seems, he has the right to bleed... and I bleed at times.

Ok lang naman sakin kung tagasalo ko forever... but at times I question myself... panu kung ako ang sumablay? May sasalo ba saken?...

I know God promised to never leave me nor forsake me and I have proven that many times and I know He's never gonna fail me!

But human as I am... minsan sana my tangible na sasalo saken... yung tao... yung nakikita, naamoy, nahahawakan at pwedeng suntukin pag frustrated na ko....

O! di ko sinabi na may kinalaman eto sa lovelife... pwedeng walang romance pero alam mu di ka nya hahayaang mag-fall at masaktan...

Kasi minsan na akong sumablay and up to now I feel like I'm still making up for that one sablay thing that i did... and nobody's gonna help me fix it.

Dun sa sablay ko may profit pa din naman.... yung experience so hinde naman talaga nalugi all in all.

So my prayer is that God will allow my heart to grow be bigger... be more absorbent... aborbing and giving all that love I could hold inside me....

Parang sponge, when you squeeze it, it's going to draw out more of itself to the point of being empty... empty to be filled again... over and over... so that my being a vessel will not be in vain.

I'm spongebabe... and i'm loving it

and sometimes it sucks!!!

Stray Dog

I thought I've completely overcome my fear for stray dogs, until I come across one tonight. I had to take something this evening at Lok Lo Ha Village and to my surprise there was a very big stray dog. There was a lady way ahead of me when I suddenly saw the dog barking and tailing at her. When she was in a good distance the dog went to the other side but then he (let's assume the dog is a boy) saw me and barked madly. I felt that old chill that stray dogs give me, my heart went beating fast, I find it hard to breathe and I was in near panic but one thing I always remember: DO NOT RUN even if I felt like it. you see, he was barking so loud, he looks like a German Shepeherd ( I don't know if I was hallucinating but he was real scary). Now the more serious problem was how to go back the train station when he's still lurking in the dark. I was seriously burdened, I kept on asking "Why on earth is there a stray dog in HK? It's only in the Philippines." As I was nearing his camp a scooter came and stopped. The driver drop off the lady. I quicken my step and asked the driver if there's another way to go to the station and just my luck there was none. He said to take "that" way and I quickly replied "But there's a big dog. Does it bite?" And he assured me that it was pretty safe to walk by and he suggested to take the opposite path since it was in the other side, our side. I almost ran but I haven't reached the path when the dog went over there. I literally banged my head on my fist. I was beginning to get scared again, heart wildly beating, sweating cold in a very humid evening. I don't know whether I looked crazy, pitiful or funny but the driver called out and said we could walk by the path together. I was overjoyed. He went ahead and stopped at the corner where the dog appears, I looked at him an bowed saying thank you and then he let me walk first for a couple of meters before he gained speed, halting a little as he passed me by to say "bye". I was more than relieved and I realized I was biting my nails the whole time. I hope I'll get rid of this fear but I am ever so thankful because in simple episodes of my life like this God never left my side. He always sent that almost 'knight-in-shining-armor" of all ages to help me; little boys walking with me to show the way to McDonalds, teenagers translating in Cantonese when they hear I can't speak their language, adults opening doors for you and grandpas being nice when I'm looking for a seat. Thank you Lord, my promise keeping Father. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for the stray dog that reminded me of my God's faithfulness.

When pain changes your heart

I haven't written anything significant for a while.  It isn't due to the lack of ideas, random thoughts and sentiments or inspiration.  I choose not to write because I felt there isn't anything special to talk about.  Seriously, what could be interesting in my life?

But these past two days of physical pain changed my heart.  I needed to write.  Writing has always been my healing space.  I didn't really care much of how would people perceive and judge my writing which includes grammatical errors and wrong spellings, but I do care about taking into account whatever experiences that I have learned from and I value the goodness and mercy of God in each of these events and in wanting to remember I have to write about it.

Now I've said physical pain changed my heart and it was true.  I have never been dead tired in my life like that of these past two days.  There have been times I was afraid that my heart would suddenly stop.  There have been moments when I felt like I have exhausted all the oxygen in my body and that I would just pass out.  My muscles and every sinews that connects them scream as I push forward to do the things I was tasked to do.  For you to have an idea, try to carry a variation of 5-15 kilos of something and try to bring it to the third floor by foot countless times within the day in the heat of summer.  I have been literally bathing in sweat but there were times I felt like they were blood, and though I wanted to cry I just couldn't, I felt like my eyes were deprived of any fluid as they have been all used up by the other parts of the body.

I may sound complaining and perhaps I am, forgive me then.  But let me tell you that in times when I feel this kind of pain and pressure I become reflective of who I am and how much I have been loved.  I have a simple antidote for this kind of difficulties, I would think of how much the cross weight on his shoulders, of how painful were the thorns crushing and destroying his very muscles and tissues, how it felt to be really thirsty and that being given a decent drink is impossible.  Then and there I would feel relieved, I would find the strength to carry on and finish.  No, I have not been deserving of all that he did for me and I will never be, and that, that breaks my heart in a very beautiful way.

I have needed this kind of pain for a long time.  The days when I have chosen not to write were days I let loose of what is eternally important for me.  Those days have been like a haunting pair of regrets and what might have been coupled with anxiety and fear for what is to come. I have been asking and wondering of the things I have given up and fearful that I would end up a loser.  It's been like the physical pain surfaced the emotional and spiritual turmoil I have been going through.

So there you go, I haven't figure everything out yet, so to speak.  I'm still battling and for the coming week the days will still be tiring, far less from the previous two but nevertheless tiring.  However, I've decided that I am going to celebrate these tiresome and painful days.  Suffering seems to keep me on track. Cheer me up. Fighting!!!