When in fact I do.
When I started this journey with You, I knew the weight of trusting You.
So now, it's not that I don't understand, it's because I don't like this feeling.
It hurts me, my pride, it makes me feel uncomfortable.
It shatters my dream, my expectations, aspirations.
I reason not to understand because my sinful heart simply can't grasp that I have to be transformed into Your likeness.
I struggle with impatience because I don't have patience yet and there's still so much more in the list in Corinthians that I have to go through with before I could fully love in the Calvary-like manner.
I wrestle with my selfishness and pride when each day actually teaches me to be humble and to have a true servant's heart.
I fight with my lust for the world and all that it has to offer, when I should desire and be satisfied in You alone.
I get it but I am so frail when it comes to trusting You and Your will and Your ways.
Please be gracious to me and redeem me from my self.
I don't want to stop.
I want to finish my race well.
I want to hear You say that "good and faithful servant" phrase when I finally see You face to face.
Have mercy on me Father God.
This is just the start and if it hurts this much I can't wait to see how glorious, faithful and loving You are.
In this pause, You are the air that I breathe, You sustain me and comfort me.
I can face the new day with Your hope.
