Cheer the Sad and the Lone

Loneliness, such a common idea we encounter every day, so natural a feeling; so much like love but extremely different.  I hear people say “I’m in love…” but seldom will they admit that they are lonely.

“Have you ever been lonely?”

 I mean loneliness in its truest sense?

In the Seminary as I train for Psychotherapy, I have seen different faces of loneliness.  And loneliness has its own power; it produces in you different feelings.  The most common I have seen and heard associated with loneliness are: emptiness, frustration, hopelessness, lack of worth, the feeling of being abandoned, alone and unloved. 

Loneliness can strike any gender, young and old, rich and poor; dark skinned and fair skinned, non-Christians and Christians.  And the reason of each person’s loneliness is as varied as the kind of people it can affect.

In our class, I heard individuals share their loneliness and since I was tasked and limited to use my heart and my senses during group therapy, I felt how real it was.  The anguish of one’s soul tormented with loneliness was heart breaking and humbling. Yes I was humbled because being lonely is something I will not admit; out of my sinful and proud heart I will not allow people to see me in a state where I will look helpless.  So I resorted to lies and pretentions that I was tough.  It was ironic that the very thing I avoid with my pride and image exalting lies reduced me exactly back to what I was: helpless.

“Is it bad to feel lonely?”

 Why did I ask? Well, because back then I was not sure if it is right to feel lonely.  But I’ve encountered David in the 25^th chapter of Psalm, verse 16 “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.”  The man after God’s own heart felt lonely and cried out to God for grace.  In the next verses, he begged God to bring him out of his distress (loneliness, affliction and trouble) and to forgive his sins.

God impressed upon my heart that being lonely wasn’t altogether bad but what we do with the loneliness we feel mattered the most.  David lifted up his loneliness upon God and acknowledged that he was helpless, that he cannot solve it on his own.  In his helplessness God’s power and glory was magnified. 

“Did I ever admit that I was lonely?”

Yes. At one instance during our sessions, I did talk about my loneliness. I told them how much I miss my Mom and my Dad and my brother Gabby: I felt abandoned.  I shared how difficult it was to be alone when I feel sick: I was unloved. I allowed them to know that when I am alone, silence became so loud it was a little scary: I was going nuts.  I told them how bad I feel when I hurt the people I love the most:  I was a sore loser and worthless.  I mentioned about the time I woke up early in the morning and broke into tears without knowing why: I felt lost.

“What happened?”

 Admitting to God that I was lonely and that I needed Him was liberating. Allowing people to see how weak, helpless and desolate I was without God’s grace gave me not just freedom but also peace.  No more lies, no more tough image to protect. My identity rested on my Saviour’s grace and righteousness.

“What is the point of all these?”

 I’d like to remind myself that loneliness is real.  It grips a person’s heart and it could extract and exhaust the joy God puts in it.  I do not want to forget that there are people out there struggling with their loneliness.  They are afraid to be discovered and ridiculed and they are walking very close to the boundaries depression. I pray that I could be used to let the truth be known; that when loneliness sets in, like David one should earnestly seek God and humbly ask for His grace, redemption and forgiveness.

The pit of loneliness however dim it seems can be a spring of hope.  When loneliness meets the gospel, joy is restored and praises abound. “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”   Psalm 42:11